The Start of Summer

June 1, 2013

Yesterday was the end of a very long month; a month filled with stress, fun, excitement, exhaustion, tears, laughter, difficult decisions, travel, and more.  Today is a day of many emotions.

As a teacher, I have mixed emotions about this day.  It's the day after the last student day of the school year.  After 9 months of being with my 7th graders, I have now given birth to a group of 8th graders.  As with any school year, it was a year filled with laughter and tears (mine and theirs), drama (this is, after all, Middle School), learning (again, mine and theirs) and so much stress on so many levels.  I taught, retaught, reretaught, poked, prodded, encouraged, nagged, rereretaught, fussed, insisted, praised, loved, tough-loved, worried, spent sleepless nights, learned new methods, questioned myself,  and taught some more.  I upset some students and their parents and they upset me.  I endured endless questioning of my methods, personality, decisions, and character by parents and administrators.  I set the bar high and was required to lower it (and then heard how my expectations were not high enough).  I did what I could.  Did I make mistakes?  Oh, yes, in a HUGE way.  Did I learn from them?  I hope so.  It was a day of accepting last-minute assignments, grading them, and finalizing grades;  a day of signing yearbooks, saying goodbye and good luck, opening my door to two of my girls from last year who launched themselves at me and hugged me until I wondered if they were going to let go and thanking me for what I taught them last year.    By the end of the day, I was wrung out.

On Monday, I have to finish packing up my classroom (no, I'm not moving out of the room, but still have to pack everything up - I am NOT going into that today).  I will say goodbye to some colleagues who are  leaving and that will be difficult - it's also something I don't do well.

Today, Catherine is leaving her beloved Holy Mountain (Sewanee) to begin the next phase of her life.  She is moving all of her belongings and her cats to Greensboro, NC where she still has to find a place to live.  Wayne flew up on Thursday to help her do this and I couldn't go.  So, I am living this from afar and that is incredibly hard.

Today is the beginning of the summer for me and that is a beautiful thing.  I have things I want to accomplish and some decisions to make, but I also have a lot of R and R planned - books to read, pictures to take, trips to take, and memories to make.  I plan to take care of myself, both physically and mentally and take care of my relationships.  Those things come first.  Then, I will do some of the more mundane things like cleaning and purging some of the stuff I have accumulated.

The first day of June...so many possibilities.

Getting to Know You...

April 5, 2013

This has been a week of ups and downs - a week that has exhausted me to the point that all I seem to be able to do in the evenings is sit in front of my computer and the tv and eat (preferably as much chocolate as I can get my hands on). School gets more and more stressful as we move toward FCAT testing.  There are so many things running through my head that there are times during the day when I can't utter a coherent sentence.  I keep asking myself if there's more information I can stuff inside their heads, more test-taking strategies I can give them, more ways of choosing the right answer, more ways of destressing before they take this high-stakes test, and so on and so on and so on.  And then the next thought I have is, "My God, these are children who need more from my class than just Math knowledge and test-taking strategies!!".  Where is the time for me to get to know them as people?  to know what they enjoy doing and what makes them laugh and what makes them sad or afraid?  Where is the time to just TALK to them?  Don't get me wrong, I DO some of this, as time permits.  

I know a little bit about some of my kids - sports they play and/or enjoy watching, which of my kids are 4Hers, and a few other little tidbits here and there, but not nearly enough.  And, honestly, I'm not sure how many of them know that I truly care about them in ways other than how much math they learn.  Today, I made a point of telling (as a group) how very proud of them I am, and how much I have seen them change since August.  I also had a conversation (short, but I hope helpful) with one of my girls who is so stressed that she has made herself sick.  I plan to be more deliberate in my questions and showing my interest in them as people for the rest of this year.  My hope is that it will make a difference in their lives, however small, and that it will help them to bloom into the beautiful butterflies God intends them to be.

Well Done, Good and Faithful Servant

March 15, 2013

In the past 3 months I have attended 3 funerals, missed a couple more due to work or other commitments, and know of others I didn't know well who have died.  Of the three funerals I have attended, two were members of my church who were both in their nineties, having lived long and varied lives, and one was my age.

Bob was a wonderful, gentle, giant of a man.  On first glance, he looked gruff and unapproachable and intimidating.  Nothing could have been further from the truth.  Bob had a beautiful smile, a warm hug, and fierce way of protecting those around him.  He was a wonderful cook and his face lit up whenever he was complimented on his culinary creations.  Bob loved St. George's and served in many ways, both in leadership and other roles.  There's a Bob-sized hole on the left-hand side of the church on Sunday morning.

June was a tiny woman with a sweet, sweet smile and a heart the size of God.  She was ready with a hug and a smile for everyone.  June greeted newcomers as if they were old friends and when members of the church weren't there, she did her best to find out why and bring them back.   June was always up for a gathering, no matter the reason, and was often the life of the party.  There's a June-sized hole on the right-hand side of the church on Sunday morning.

Today was the hardest.  Brian was my age.  We went to high school together, were in the band, and were in the same group of friends.  Brian was a musician and an athlete.  We lost track of each other after high school, but got the chance to reconnect 2 years ago when his beautiful wife, Michele, and his sister, Brenda, invited me to Brian's surprise 50th birthday party.  Through the magic of Facebook, I have been in contact with all three of them since then.  At his funeral today, we all learned so much more of who Brian was as an adult - a husband, father, chef, fisherman, and a Sergeant with the Orange County Sheriff's office, just to name a few.  He was well respected and beautifully honored today.  And, I believe there is a Brian-sized hole in many lives tonight.

So, what are my takeaways from these 3 lives?  Love each other, smile as much as possible, help others to feel loved, and show Christ to all with whom you come into contact.  I'm sure that as each of these beautiful people reached the gates of Heaven, they heard the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant.  Well done.".

Rest in peace, Bob, June, and Brian.  Know that you were loved and that you are missed.  Until we meet again...

A New Year...A New Start

January 4, 2013

Last year I started the year with a rather lofty goal of taking a picture every day and writing about it.  I did great until the end of May, got behind, and couldn't get caught up so I stopped.  For a long time I viewed this as a failure on my part.  This morning, I decided that I didn't fail - I was 42% successful!  I am tweaking this some for this year in order to be more successful and less overwhelmed.  My goal this year is to write at least once a week - there may be weeks I don't write at all and weeks I write more.  The writings are, for the most part, for me - a place to put my thoughts and feelings into words.  I will share them with you in the hope that something I say will resonate within you.  I don't expect all of you to agree with me, as this would be a boring world if we all agreed on everything!  And so, 2013 begins...
On New Year's Eve we had our annual gathering with dear friends.  It was a blend of food and wine, laughter and serious conversations, chaos and calm; a microcosm of another year of our friendship.  I spent a period of time outside by the fire pit by myself, enjoying the quiet, reviewing the past year, and reflecting on the coming year.  It was a year of ups and downs, with many joys and some sorrows.  A pretty typical year in most respects.
I have chosen NOT to make any resolutions for 2013.  Instead, I am setting some goals to work toward.  Some would say there's not a difference in resolutions and goals, but I believe there's a huge difference.  A resolution has a connotation of failure if it is not achieved, while a goal is something to work toward until it is achieved, no matter how long that takes.   And one of my goals is to set myself up for success rather than for failure.  I tend to dwell on my failures as a mother, wife, sister, friend, teacher, Christian so I am going to work on noting my successes instead!
I'm glad you're taking this journey with me this year.  Here's to a highly successful 2013!

Written Words

September 13, 2012

One of the great memories of my childhood was opening the mailbox to find a letter from my grandmother. Even better was a letter from her that was addressed to ME.  I knew her handwriting before I could read the words.  Most of us remember learning to print and then the excitement and terror of learning to write in cursive.  We were all taught the basics of the curves and loops and lines and connectors, all of us trying to make our letters look like the models on the board or the paper.   Even as we struggled with trying to make each letter perfect, our personalities and quirks began to come through in our writing and we each developed our own style.
The onset of the digital world has caused the demise of this particular art form, as keyboards replace pens and pencils.  Most of the students I have now have never been taught cursive writing and struggle to read it.  Do I think we should go back to a time when everything was handwritten and we didn't have access to the many wonders of the digital world?  Of course not.  But, I do find it sad that such a beautiful and personal way of expression may someday be a thing of the past.

The Morning After

September 12, 2012

The day after...the sun came up, the flags dropped to half staff and we began our new normal.  The nation was in shock.  Did this really happen or was it a shared nightmare?  The answer?  Yes, it really happened and we were living in a shared nightmare.  The frantic search for survivors continued, the tears flowed, travel came to a standstill, and the world watched us stumble, then catch each other and stand back up.  We mourned, cried, prayed, sang, held each other up, and began to rise again, determined that terrorists would not bring us to our knees.  People from all over the world prayed and cried with us, and sent us messages of sympathy, hope, and encouragement, and offers of help.  We learned of a man named Osama Bin Laden, of whom many of us had never heard, and of his plans - how he used our own willingness to welcome non-Americans against us.
The day after...our world had changed forever.

9/11

September 11, 2012

This picture is from June of 1996 - who knew that capturing the towers in the background would be important only a few years later.
My 9/11 story is not particularly exciting or unique or memorable.  On that morning I was at school teaching Math to 7th graders and knew nothing of what was happening until after both towers had been hit.  I walked through the teacher's lounge and glanced at the television to see smoke billowing out of the towers; I stopped to see what was happening and was stunned upon hearing the basics of the story.  At that point I went back to my classroom, got my phone, and went outside to start calling family members since I wanted to make sure I knew where everyone was (particularly Mom who had been traveling off and on for several months and had mentioned going to New York City).  It took a while, but I finally got through to everyone.  When I got home that afternoon I turned on the tv and just sat and watched...and watched and watched.  I couldn't take my eyes off of it for days.  On Thursday we knew that Tropical Storm Gabrielle was headed our way and she hit us head on Friday.  It was a relief when the power went out because then I couldn't watch tv any more.
There's no real reason for this (I had no personal connection to anyone in New York, Pennsylvania, or DC), but I was a mess for months.  I found myself crying for no reason, snapping at people who didn't deserve it, and my poor sleeping habits got even worse.
However, I found such inspiration in the heroism and patriotism surrounding that day and the days, weeks, and months that followed.  Heroism in the form of the First Responders, the coworkers, the members of the church that survived and became a sanctuary for the weary and the mourning and the rescue workers, and people from all over the world who banded together to help in any way they could.  The way we banded together as a country was beautiful.  People from all walks of life worked together, prayed together, and held each other up in this time of crisis.  I have always loved this country and the way we came together gave me such hope.
Always remember.  Never forget.  Love one another.  Help each other.  Hold each other up.